Hoo boy.
It’s been a while. It’s been a journey.
I’ve been hard at work since that post way back in March 2023. Remember that? For me, it feels like an eternity ago.
Only a few short days after beginning work on the final book of The Victor’s Blade trilogy, I got some feedback from my very precious alpha reader and sister. Individually, we’d come to the same gut-wrenching conclusion:
I’d have to go back and rewrite the end of Book 2.
The last thing I wanted was to ruin my momentum. But there wasn’t any way around it. It was a big but necessary change that would exponentially improve the trilogy as a whole.
Which meant putting the final book on hold.
So after careful consideration, I went back to rework Book 2. It was a big project, but I completed those changes right before my deadline of December 2023.
After the Christmas and New Year holiday season was over, I dove straight back to work on Book 3. Finally. The long-overdue project resumed on January 2nd, when I picked up Book 3’s outline. When once again I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach.
Book 3’s outline was a mess. Broken subplots I’d long ago discarded, ancient ideas from a teenager’s brain I knew were too silly or immature to incorporate and didn’t fit with the current vision.
How had I missed this? Had I not even read this when I’d started work way back in March of 2023?
No problem. Keep moving forward. I took the entire day–and most of our library shelf-space–to reexamine and refine the outline. (More on that process in the days to come.)
Updated outline in hand, I locked in 2024 as “The Year of Actually Writing Book 3.” Not putting it on pause a few days in. This would be the year I actually completed the final book in this monster opus of mine I’ve been dreaming about and retooling for decades.
Problem was, life hasn’t been kind to me since 2019. I don’t think it has for many people. So with my mental health and family needs, I had to make some concessions. Instead of my usual 5-day writing goal, I chopped it down to 3 days a week, using the other 2 to focus on YouTube videos (those are still in the works, by the way!), voice acting, and other potential ventures.
With the slower pace, as Book 3 proceeded, I kept glancing back at that outline I’d revised. And I kept wondering, How much longer is this book going to take?
It wasn’t until the fall that two truths became abundantly clear:
- This was going to be a huge book.
- I was not going to get it done in time.
I felt defeated. Broken. The voice inside told me I was lazy. Too slow. Not enough dedication. Not enough energy. Not enough time.
Book 2 had only taken 9 months to complete. I should have been able to get this done way before the end of 2024, not extend it into another year! It’d already been in production since March of 2023!
But as frustrating and discouraging as that realization was, I knew I couldn’t give up. I’d just have to account for my pace and keep pressing on.
Looking at what was left of the outline and my progress so far, a date started to form in my head:
“Summer of 2025. That’s when I’ll likely get it done.”
The admission should have offered me more relief than it did. I had more breathing room, more time.
Instead, all I could think about was how I felt like I was letting down someone. Something. I missed my deadline. I couldn’t get it done in time. This little failure kept me awake at night. Weighed me down as I continued to write, day after day. I felt like I was running a race where the distant finish line kept drifting further with my every step. Extending the deadline didn’t bring relief; it dropped dead weight on my shoulders to run with when I was already tired.
And I started to wonder, would this project ever be done?
Faithfully I plodded along with my writing goals, week after endless week, hammering out more draft. All while hounded by my ever-increasing negative thoughts. Surely it isn’t good. Surely it’s dragging. Surely this isn’t matching my vision at all. I found myself spending more time staring at blank pages, procrastinating with planning documents, running errands, watching YouTube. Things I never would’ve dreamed of doing when working on the first and second books. Executive Dysfunction? Yes, please, and I’ll have another.
My motivation sank to all-time lows. I just wanted to be done. But there was still so much longer to go.
I didn’t want to work on this book anymore. I didn’t have it in me. I couldn’t keep doing this for as long as I needed to in order to get it done.
But I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t stop.
This wasn’t going to beat me.
I had to get a little more creative with my daily writing goals. I took my college professor’s advice and rewarded myself with one Mott’s gummy snack for every hundred words I wrote. (Those things got this book done, I’m telling you.) I totally pushed myself out of my comfort zone and did something I swore I never would: setting timers for 30-45 minutes and writing nonstop until the daily goal was met.
I kept at it, every week. With almost no weeks skipped, no copping out, no whining or excuses.
Until I finally tripped across the finish line in July 2025. It’d come out of nowhere. And when I finally wrote the words THE END and closed my laptop screen, I couldn’t believe it.
The trilogy was finally complete.
Right on schedule.
Sure, it has revisions to go through. But it’s done. I’ve written the entire trilogy. My Monster Opus completed.
So, so many mixed feelings, guys. Emotionally I collapsed from the sheer exhaustion and burnout during the first week or so. But as the days went by and I continued my much-deserved break, the truth finally started sinking in.
I could finally talk about it with my friends and family with a weary smile on my face instead of just sighing with relief. It was done. I’d conquered it. I’d finally achieved the biggest milestone of my twenty-four-year-old goal.
But the pride and accomplishment still took a backseat to the shame.
I’d started Book 3 back in March of 2023. I should have finished sooner. A year and a half of dedicated writing? Why had it taken me so long? That was half a year later than it should’ve been…
…Right?
During my break, I took another look at the word count of Book 3. It’s a behemoth, by the way. The longest book I’ve ever written. Longer than Books 1 and 2 combined.
And I realized…
I didn’t write one book in a year and a half.
I wrote two books in that time.
I was so busy kicking myself for having to postpone Book 3’s deadline that I didn’t notice the math breakdown. I’d written at the exact same rate I’d written Book 2. The one I’d been so proud to have completed in nine months, faster than any draft of Book 1 I’d ever written.
As fast as Book 2. When I’d been writing for only 3 days a week instead of 5.
I’d been faithful to my goals, committed to pushing past writer’s block and dread and insecurity.
And you know what? I truly believe God rewarded that. I’m still not sure how I managed to get that much written in that period of time, given my normal output. But I did. We did.
I wouldn’t be here without everyone who’s supported me so far. My God and Creator, of course, but also my parents, my siblings, my friends…
…and you, dear reader.
Thank you for walking with me on this journey. I’ve felt each and every one of you urging me onward. And it helped me get to this point.
We’re not done yet. The next mountain ahead is the one I’ve dreaded most. Untouched wilderness. Unknown borders.
Publishing and getting the word out there.
I’m gonna do my best though. Because this is a story I have to tell. Because you and so many others have been waiting and hoping and believing in this story. Believing in me.
We won’t stop until it’s out there.
And then we’ll do it again.
Because these stories are just getting started.
For Him, to Him